xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
