Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
