jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
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