If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
