I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
You can't motorboat a personality
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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