just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
