Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
