I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
And then he peed in my hair
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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