Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
sex in a hospital.. check
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
