I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
