The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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