Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
