I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
