Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Do vagina's smell?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize