we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
