I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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