The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
