Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
is wine microwaveable?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
