Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
