you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
