I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
