Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
don't judge my taste in strippers
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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