I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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