people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
