Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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