My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I queefed so loud it echoed.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
