I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
