who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
