need another drink. this is the easiest way
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
