You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
