i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
