I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
