Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize