theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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