am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Life is so much better after having sex.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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