billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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