are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
