Walk of Shame. In a state park.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize