someone threw a dead crab at me
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I love you.
Bad choice
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize