So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
