I want to have your abortion
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize