Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
