right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
