it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Randomize
