What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
