Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
