I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
