I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
