Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
