I think I just saw someone hide a body.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
She's the barista slut.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize