dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
