My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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