My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
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