Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
