hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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