I'm lost and stupid without you.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize