my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
