dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
