...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize