I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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