why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
This is my gift to your gina
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
