Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
We have so much sex to catch up on
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
