He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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