Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
