remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
