so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
