Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Is it because I queefed?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
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