any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
