Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
