were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
