You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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