mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
