I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
