He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
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