He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
