Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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