So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Randomize
