she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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