My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
