Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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