They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
