i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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