You're my little dorito
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
